Yesterday was a Really Bad Day. Today is...not looking much better so far. On the other hand, yesterday was also a pretty good day, and the cracks are beginning to show in a way that might just move me in the right direction. Because while it was a Really Bad Day, I did not do anything harmful to myself. Sure, I didn't ever manage to drag myself out of one of the lowest of low moods in a while, but I did not binge, purge, starve, self-harm or withdraw. I cried. I talked. I ate a little more than usual to make sure I didn't binge. I took medication. I rested. And most importantly, I asked A for help. He was amazing - just held me, listened, acknowledged how hard it must be and made some suggestions that might help to ease the pain a little - not fix any situations, just ease it a bit.
So today, while the tears are still there if I allow a hint of curiosity to explore inside of the functional exterior, I also feel loved, heard and supported. Everything changes, and this is not forever.
