Where have you gone?
Somewhere apart.
A retreat behind the porcelain wall.
A place of quiet,
Where the tangle and crash of thoughts and feelings
Cannot reach.
Once I feared the shattering
Unsure if the delicate shell would hold.
Confident now, it is not fragile -
But smooth, cool and solid.
It slides between us,
A swift exit without moving an inch.
They can beat against it
With barbs, sharp-tongued arrows
And crushing loads
But I do not even hear them
In the impenetrable quiet of this cell.
A gentle tap,
Quietly, you try to draw me back.
Talk to me.
I want to, but we do not use words here.
If you look very carefully,
You may find the crack
To reach in and connect.
But a wrong move,
Too fast, too hard, too loud, an inch from the safe place
And the wall is sealed against my wishes.
I take a look around the side
Long to return to the world
Of colour and movement
But it is too big, too loud, and
I am afraid.
Here is safe. Quiet. Cool.
I do not love it, but
It holds me, I need not fight.
It does not swirl with light and laughter
And words tumbling over one another
In rich texture and meaning.
I want to join in, spin and weave into the pattern
Let myself be swept into vibrant freedom
To feel joy, melt into a caress,
Engage and push and pull at the threads of life, Frothing and bubbling over the wall
Even the language is alive -
And yet,
I am afraid.
Take a look.
Take a risk.
Take an opportunity
To try reality again.
Come back.
Stay.
