I have had the most incredible two days, doing a course in Sheffield learning about music in healthcare settings (ie hospitals). This is something I have wanted to do since I discovered that teaching was not my vocation when I went to university.
I sort of left my instincts about this on the back-burner for the last six years, as I just didn't know where to start - other than music therapy, which I didn't believe I was good enough to do. So when I spotted this course on a list of professional development opportunities for community musicians, I had filled in and sent off the form within about half an hour (I do not ever do this, I procrastinate for 3 days and convince myself I won't be able to do whatever it is!). But I knew this was going to be something important, and crucially, I knew before I got there that this was something I was going to be GOOD at.
Put simply, I was right. There is a place for modesty, and there are occasionally things that you are so secure about that you can say yes, I can do that. Professionally, this is the first time I have been able to do this. I have never been in a situation where I have responded so naturally as a musician and as a person, felt so completely right in the work I am doing. I knew this somewhere, in the back of my mind, but let lack of obvious opportunity stop me from pursuing it - possibly a mistake, or possibly just waiting for the time when I really am ready to engage in the work. It's given me such a wonderful perspective again - I've rediscovered myself as a musician, I've rediscovered my love and talent for meeting people where they are, I've rediscovered my reasons for choosing to live and I've rediscovered how much more easily you can read situations with a little more emotional presence.
I don't know what the next stage is for doing this work, but I do know I'm going find out and try. I am clear about the direction of my work life, for the first time since I was about ten! It is exciting.
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